


Find your place in life

by HikariYumi



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Guardian Angels, Alternate Universe - No supernatural, Angst with a Happy Ending, Child Protective Services, Dean is a Good Brother, Dean needs a friend, Drunk Dean, Gen, Growing-up, Guardian Angel Castiel, John Winchester is paranoid, Lonely Dean, M/M, Mary Winchester died, Parenting gone wrong, Protective Bobby Singer, Trickster Gabriel, and plotholes, beware of OOcness, just a little idea, more of a friendship, no real Destiel, no real point in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-12
Updated: 2017-01-12
Packaged: 2018-09-17 01:44:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9298739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HikariYumi/pseuds/HikariYumi
Summary: Castiel is assigned to be a guardian angel for a human. He doesn't really want that job and isn't really sure what to do. So he begins watching Dean Winchester living his life and gives his best to protect the boy from problems which seemed to follow him around.And maybe, just maybe, he grows fond of this weird being who does everything to protect his brother.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there,  
>  thanks for swinging by!
> 
> This is my first real step into writing in the Supernatural fandom, so its more of a sketch than a proper piece of work. I'm far from content with it, but i didn't just want to delete it.  
>  Neither me nor my beta are native speakers, so if you notice mistakes, don't hesitate to call me out on them!
> 
> Bye bye,  
>  ~Hikari

As long as Castiel could remember, he was supposed to become a guardian angel. When he had been young, some of his brothers had teased him about this destiny, some others thought he shouldn't be respected for such an unimportant line of work. The baby angel Castiel, Angel of Thursday, nanny of a dumb ape.

With the time, the angel surrendered and even believed in those insulting words, started hating his profession before he had ever started working in it. But then there had been Gabriel, one of the archangels, the youngest one and the most different.

He loved all his brothers and hated the way they argued with each other and consequently used every opportunity to go down to Earth and following his own profession. Being a trickster. Castiel knew that this wasn't his real purpose, but it was the only one Gabriel ever mentioned to the younger angel. In his opinion it was the angels' part to interpret the God-given destiny to fit themselves, and that was what he had done.

Gabriel took Castiel under his wing, shielding him from the still teasing others, and talked to him. Not few days and nights were spend with the archangel telling stories from his the mischief he had caused on Earth and never once he seemed to regret being who he was.

It was during one of those meetings that the younger angel received the message that his time had come. The human he was assigned to had been born.

~

Dean Winchester was four years old when his mother died in the burning remaints of the Winchester family's house. From this point on John Winchester, Deans father, decided to keep his family safe the only way he could think of. After the police mentioned the possibility that the fire could have been an act of arson, John was adamant to train his children to become strong enough to fight.

Dean was nine years old when he shot a real gun the first time, he hated it. His four years younger brother Sam hated it even more.

John on the other hand grew more convinced that everywhere around him was potential danger and that his sons weren't allowed to trust anyone. At this point he had given up all his old relationships with friends and was travelling around with Dean and Sam in his old car. They never stayed in a place longer than a couple of months, leaving the boys lonely and isolated.

When Dean was twelve years old, he was more often than not the one who took care of little Sammy. Their father had developed a taste for alcohol and left sometimes a few days in a row to “make sure the neighborhood is safe”. Then came the moment when he didn't come back.

A week after John had left and still hadn't given a sign of life, Dean became worried. He hadn't noticed, but at one point he had started taking care not only of his brother but his father, too.

~

Making sure little Sammy was well-fed and unconcerned about their fathers long absence was giving Dean a hard time. He skipped school to find a hint of his fathers presence and pick-pocketed some money out of strangers' bags to pay for the Winchesters' current motel room. Luckily, he was skilled in that kind of thing by now. Even if people noticed that he was too young to not be in school or he was caught with his hand in a purse, he never once suffered the consequences, he always got away.

Another two weeks later a dirty, beaten-up John entered the motel room and urged the boys to pack up their stuff because they were leaving. Dean and Sam shouldn't find out what had happened to him for years.

Life went on until once again, John didn't come back. Dean was seventeen now, officially a school-drop out so he had more time to earn money to feed his brother in their father's more expanding absences. The younger Winchester didn't know, he still lived with the illusion that John always left enough money and Dean just hated school.

Sometimes Sam was as naïve as boys in his age were supposed to be.

They waited for two months, until the day when their booked motel room had to be vacated, and then another one because Dean wanted to make sure John wasn't coming back before going to the police.

Sam was in school when his older brother made his way to the local police station. Just before he could enter, a man with serious eyes stopped him.

“Your father is dead.”

The boy blinked confusedly for a moment before realizing what the stranger had just said to him. “No, man, sorry. I don't even know who you are, but I'm sure you think I'm someone else.”

As if he was confused, the man's head tilted to the side, but the expression on his face didn't change a bit. “No. Why should I think that? You are Dean Winchester, John Winchesters eldest son. Your father is dead.”

Dean felt himself turn pale in a mere second, blood rushing in his ears, a thousand things whirling through his head, making him feel sick. But there was one thing that he wasn't: surprised. Deep inside, the Winchester had always known there would be one day when he would hear those words. Honestly, he had anticipated that way earlier.

“I see. Thank you for the heads-up then, I suppose. But you care to explain how you come to know that? Or maybe who you are exactly?”

The man in the beige trench coat stared at him for a few long seconds before he looked away, fixating his gaze on a point Dean couldn't see. “No, I can't tell you. You just have to trust me, Dean. As soon as you go to the police and they notice that John Winchester is dead, you and your brother will be taken care of.”

The boy was scared by this possibility, he didn't want Sammy to go into a new family, he could take care of him alone, like he always had. When Dean lifted his head again the weird man had disappeared.

~

The younger Winchester was still shaken by the sudden death of their father when his brother took him out of school to change the city they were currently living in, as he was used to. At this point he didn't question this habit anymore. Moving between destinations was a lot harder when there was no one to drive, though.

Dean was able to drive a car by now, John had taught him how to years ago, but he didn't have a license. It was too risky to take the car despite that, as soon as the police would stop them they would have a whole bunch of problems.

Still, it pained the boy to leave the shiny Impala behind, he had been fond of the car since he had been a little kid. Even before the fire.

Sometimes, when it occurred that Dean was actually sleeping for a change, he would dream about how he used to sit on John's lap behind the steering wheel, hands on the smooth leather beside his father's, pretending to drive himself. It was one of the best dreams he had ever had.

~

Of course things couldn't go right, again Dean was surprised how long things went well, though. Half a year after John's death two men from child protective service knocked at the Winchester boys' motel room. This afternoon, Sam was alone in the room, looming over his history homework while waiting for his brother to return from his part time job as a cashier at the gas station.

“Are you Sam Winchester?” he was asked after he opened the door, expecting to see Dean who had forgot his keys this morning; it wouldn't be the first time.

Hesitantly, he answered: “Yes?”

The second man sent him a little smile that most likely was intended to look comforting but only appeared false. “Do you know where your brother is? We are Mr. Paul and Mr. Whitehall from the local child services.” Sam considered for a long moment to just slam the door into the men's face and flee through the window, but then Dean would run into them in a few minutes, unprepared. No, he couldn't let that happen.

“He is at work,” the boy answered, uncertain how much he was allowed to reveal, the last thing he wanted to do was cause Dean problems after everything he did for him. “He should be back soon.”

The smiling man took a step forward. “Would you mind if we wait here for him?”

~

Dean yelled and fought but neither Mr. Paul nor Mr. Whitehall were fazed by his efforts by any means. The men took Sam with them, telling the brothers that everything was going to be alright, they were just trying to help.

It was the day when Dean got drunk the first time. He had drunk before, sure, mostly beer, but not once he had been more than tipsy, because he knew he had a little brother at home to protect, he couldn't be hammered then.

That didn't seem to be a problem anymore.

Outside the bar it was already dark, Dean wasn't sure how long he had actually been inside, not that it would matter. Still caught up in a painful mix of desperation and hopelessness, the boy stumbled through the dimly lit streets until he nearly run into a man. A man in a beige trench coat.

“Hello Dean,” the stranger murmured, looking down at him out of intense blue eyes.

“Wha' 're you doin' here? 's a bad time. You'll tell me t'day who the fuck you 're?”

The Winchester heard how his words were slurring together, but the weird man seemed to understand him anyway. That wasn't the most important thing right now, not as long as the world around him was spinning and Sammy wasn't waiting for him in a cheap motel room.

“Dean-” The man paused, his forehead wrinkling in a frown. “I can't tell you who I am, you wouldn't believe me anyway, but I can give you my name. I am called Castiel.”

When Dean remained silent, the man – Castiel – edged a bit closer. “You're intoxicated,” he stated, obviously disapproving. Why did he even care? The bartender sure as hell hadn't minded that he was still underage as long as he paid enough for his drinks.

“Pah, yes, why shoul'nt I be? Wha' do I st'll hav' that would be a reason' not to? 'n the end 'm alon', 'cause I couldn't protect Sammy. Don't even know wher' 'e 's. I fuck'd up. I'd one job, and I failed. So I've ev'ry reason' to get hammered!”

Dean swayed a bit to the side, as he was gesticulating uncoordinatedly as he spat out the words full of self-deprecation.

Immediately, Castiel caught his shoulder in a firm grip, still staring down with an unsettling gaze.

“You really believe that, don't you? Dean Winchester, you are aware that you are just a child? You did everything to protect your brother that was within your power. You have got nothing to blame yourself for. You did well.” The strange man seemed to try to convince Dean of his words, even though the boy knew the truth.

“Lemme go, jus' leav' me alon', Casti–, Casi–. Cas.” Weird, now out in the chilly evening, the alcohol's effect seemed to worsen with every minute. Now he could barely articulate himself properly.

“I wont, not as long as you're in this condition.” If he hadn't been this drunk, the boy would have followed his urge to snap at the Castiel guy, but right now he just felt dizzy and cold. He just wanted to go home, not that he really had a home, Sammy had been his home. “And I wanted to talk to you, Dean.”

That got the Winchester's attention again and he raised his head slightly, slowly to not make the spinning worse. “'bout what?”

Blue eyes seemed to drill deep into Deans, looking deeper than anyone ever before. Not that anyone ever bothered to really look at the scrawny, weird boy.

“About how to get Sam back, of course.” A startled, little sound escaped his throat, something he normally never did. John always used to say that he had to be strong, because it was his job to protect his little brother. “You wanna hel'?”

Castiel seemed surprised by Deans disbelieve. “Of course I want to, and I will.” The man frowned, considering something for a moment, before nodding sharply. “But I think that can wait until morning.”

Afraid that the man would just disappear as suddenly as he had arrived, the Winchester jumped forward, now ignoring his bodily restrictions. ”But you'll 'elp?”

Something in Castiels face softened at the question, looking down at the tanned hands that gripped the sleeves of his trench coat tightly. “Yes, Dean. Yes. Now rest.”

~

He must have blacked out after that. At least Dean woke up in his motel room the next morning. It took him a while to orientate himself and to remember what had happened the day before and why he felt like shit.

The first thing that got to his mind was that his brother was gone. The empty, tidy bed next to him was enough proof of it. After that, every memory slid into place quickly. The bar and Cas.

Abruptly, Dean sat up in his bed, scanning the small room for a trace of the strange man. In his head he could still hear Castiel's promise to help him with Sam, but people lied all the time.

So the boy doubted he would ever see Cas again, even less this morning. He was proven wrong.

At the far end of the room stood said man with his back to the bed and apparently looking out of the window. “Good morning, Dean.”

The Winchester flinched, how did he know he was awake without turning around? After a moment he realized that he most likely had noticed the rustle of the blankets. “Cas.” Just then the man faced Dean, eyes still unsettling piercing, especially through the last fog of sleep. “You brought me here?” he asked just to say something and maybe find out what happened after his blackout.

“Indeed. Are you in a fit condition to talk yet?”

That Castiel guy wasn't that helpful in this regard, but for now Dean went with it, more curious to find out what the man had wanted to talk about so desperately. He said he wanted to bring back Sammy, but why should a stranger do something like that?

“Sure, hit me.”

Cas frowned, tilting his head questioningly. “I'm not sure why you would inquire me to raise my hand against you, I will never do that.” A few moments later, when the Winchester kept silent, the man seemed to realize that it hadn't been a serious request.

“I've contacted a former friend of your father, Bobby Singer. Before John Winchester started his new lifestyle, this man was listed as an emergency contact for you and your brother in case something would happen to your parents.”

Dean remembered Bobby dimly, a gruff man, older than his father and without a family of his own. He had liked him as a kid, but hadn't seen him since his mother's death. Until Castiel had mentioned him, Dean had even forgot him existing. So how did the strange man find him?

“He agreed to take in you and your brother, since John has never erased his name in his will despite their differences, he is allowed. Right now he should be on his way to those child services, we will meet him there.”

“Wait, wait, wait. Not that I'm not thankful for you helping, but why the hell do you do that? How do you even know those things? And why do you want to come with me? I'm not complaining, I just don't know you, and one day you just show up in my life and do those things?”

Dean shoved back the blanket and tumbled, still slightly unsteady, out of bed. Castiel just watched him struggling until they ended up right in front of each other.

“You are right with one thing, I know a lot about you and your life, but I am in your life longer than you can imagine. I saw you getting born and I saw you growing up. I didn't 'just show up', I was there from the beginning.”

Dean nearly crumpled under the weight of this statement, unsure why. It felt like there was a big hidden meaning behind those words, a meaning he wasn't able to comprehend.

“Yeah, right, sure. So you're a friend of my father's, too? How come I do remember Bobby but not you?”

“I'm no friend of John Winchester, I'm your– s.”, Castiel seemed to stumble over his last words, as if they had tumbled out without him meaning them to.

“Of course...” The boy replied slowly, deciding to leave it like this for now.

~

Dean was a lot more nervous than he wanted to let on while he and Castiel were riding the bus to the building of the child services. The only thing that distracted the boy from the heavy knot in his stomach was the uneasiness Cas' face displayed the whole bus ride. How could a person be so uncomfortable with this kind of traveling and then don't own a car or something?

Everything seemed to be over already at the time when Dean and Castiel arrived at the place. As soon as they entered the building a short, sturdy man came their way.

“That's Bobby?” the boy murmured to himself, but Castiel answered him anyway.

“Yes, he is.”

Before Bobby Singer noticed them, he tugged at his tie to loosen it and opened the first button of his shirt. It looked odd, Dean couldn't remember that man ever wearing a suit on any occasion except for his mother's funeral. Back in the day, Bobby had been wearing dirty vests and raddled trucker caps even in his sleep.

“Mr. Singer,” Castiel stated, his greeting now sounding so different from the one Dean could remember from the night before.

A frown and a quick glance were exchanged between Dean and Cas before Bobby raised an eyebrow. “You're late. I'm going to pick up Sam now.”

And just like that, Dean's legs turned weak under him. Sam was safe. He wanted to open his mouth and thank the man, but all he could was stare and feeling dizzy with relief. He wouldn't lose Sam, he could stay with him.

“It's alright, son. Everything's gonna be alright.”

Suddenly the boy found himself in a warm hug, feeling familiar even if it had been years since the last time. Without hesitation Dean slung his arms around Bobby, drinking in the safety and knowledge that for a moment, he didn't have to be responsible.

When he turned around to thank Castiel, the man was gone.

~

Another few months passed, Sam and Dean lived together with Bobby in a state of peaceful quiet. The younger Winchester flourished in this time, incredibly happy just by the prospect of staying in a town and being able to make and keep friends for once. His older brother on the other hand needed a bit longer to accommodate to this new kind of life. Every now and then he grew antsy to move away as he was used to.

It got better the day Bobby brought the Impala back, and made it Dean's duty to fix the little damages it had gained in the time of disuse. By the time it was finished, the Winchester obtained his driver's license and could even drive the car for real.

So whenever the boy got into his moods he would slide into the driver seat and drive around for a few hours.

Neither of them saw the strange Castiel again until two years later. Dean had turned twenty a few weeks back and, luckily enough, had found a part-time job in a supermarket to earn a bit of money. Before, he had just spent his day helping Bobby out fixing everything people brought them and while that was a lot of fun, he needed to make money on his own and not let the man pay for everything.

It hadn't need a lot of effort to get that job, one day Dean had been in the town, getting a few supplies for dinner when he noticed a little note in the corner of the shop's window. He applied then and there, got the job without more than that and returned home to tell the news to a totally incredulous Sam.

Actually, the Winchester brothers were pretty lucky since they stopped living on their own. After all the shit that had happened before, Dean deemed that only appropriate, unaware of the real reason behind that occurrence.

Castiel on the other hand knew very well. While he had always tried to keep a protective wing over Deans head, it had been way more difficult before. The life on their own as well as with John had been way more risky than the one they had now, so now he was able to make smaller things possible when he wasn't occupied with saving the boys from the police all the time.

Because that had been another issue. Castiel might have been assigned to be Deans guardian angel, but it had dawned on him pretty early that this required him protecting Sam in more or less equal measure. Still, his priority had always been on the older brother, which wasn't that helpful when Dean would endanger himself at any given minute to keep Sam safe.

~

Another thing that had happened was that over the years the angel had grown very fond of his protegé. The little boy had grown to a hurt but strong man, loving and kind to everyone who deserved it. He had a family in Bobby and his brother, but he was still lonely.

So he longed to show himself to Dean again, but he never found a reason to do so. He was doing well, even better with Castiels little manipulations, so nothing that would require the angels presence happened.

“Why don't you just go and visit your little protegé, Cassie?” Gabriel asked one day. The archangel was on Earth, too, doing whatever his fate was to do. He nibbled at a chocolate bar while leaning against the sweet shop's wall.

“Because that's not what a guardian angel is supposed to do, brother. I have to keep him safe without revealing my true nature.”

The older angel chuckled and patted Castiels shoulder. “Aw come on, brother dear, you have to give Dean what he needs, and maybe the thing he needs is your presence.”

“I– I don't understand.”

The blond angel smiled without its usual teasing edge in it. “I think you do, Cassie. Now go to him and be for him what you want to be.”

~

Dean slipped out of the Impala to stretch his legs after his long drive. Today had been one of those restless days where it just itched him to drive until the urge disappeared. After a few hours of driving he found himself in an unknown place, but the Winchester wasn't concerned, he always found his way home.

But he didn't want to go back immediately, so Dean just climbed onto the hood of his car and let his mind wander. Now that he was far away enough, he could finally think straight again.

He felt bad about vanishing every so often, leaving behind Sammy worried and waiting for his return. Why couldn't he be more like his little brother? Luckily enough, the little one had found his place in his life, got a home and even a girlfriend.

Jessica was a nice girl, she came over every now and then to eat dinner with them or to study with Sam. Bobby accepted her into the family easily, happy to see the younger boy content. His bigger concern was directed to Dean, often the man would throw the older brother thoughtful glances when he thought it wouldn't be noticed.

But Dean knew about it and hated that he was causing problems to the person who so readily let them in his life. It should be the other way around, Dean should be the one to do things for Bobby, taking care of things now.

It was a silent “Hello, Dean” which ripped the boy out of his musings and left him blinking in confusion when all of a sudden Castiel stood in front of his car.

“Cas?”, he asked, not quite believing it. “How the hell did you find me? And where did you go back then? I turned around and you were just gone!” Hastily the Winchester jumped from the hood and closed the distance to the stranger who wasn't that unfamiliar anymore.

“I needed to go because you didn't need me any longer. But I didn't go far, I was still by your side, even if you didn't know.” Castiel actually appeared sad about this revelation while Dean was a little troubled with the implication that the man had stalked him.

“Um, okay then,” he murmured, not knowing what to do or say now. “I wanted to thank you that day, but you were gone before I had the opportunity. So, um, thanks.”

The man smiled, just a bit, but enough to let the serious lines in his face soften. It looked nice and Dean felt good. He didn't know why, but at this moment he wasn't creeped out but flattered by the interest of Castiel in his life and somehow, it appeared as if there was a strange bond between the two of them.

“I did what I could, but I would have desired to be more of a help.”

The man looked genuinely distressed by that fact, something Dean couldn't quite understand. “No, its fine. You're a nice guy, Cas. I don't know you well, but you protected Sam and that's all I need to know. “

The smile changed to something more sad for unknown reasons. “I didn't do it for Sam in the first place, I did it for you. And if you will allow it, I would like to become part of your life.”

Well, that sounded really weird in Deans opinion, but that was perfectly fine, Deans complete life had been weird. So he just shrugged and grinned openly. “Sure you can, you've said it yourself back then, you're my friend.”

Castiel was confused by Deans words and needed a second to remember his nearly slip of his secret a few years back. “Yes. I am your... friend.”

These words sounded nice and it was just fitting, wasn't it? He had thought himself that Dean was lonely and in need of a friend, so it was just natural to provide for his protegé, wasn't it?

A silent chuckle, nearly disguised by the rustling of leaves in the wind, streamed over to the angels senses. It sounded a dubious lot like Gabriel, but Castiel couldn't be sure about that. At least not until Dean swayed suddenly and for no apparent reason and took a step forward to regain his balance.

Instinctively, Cas pulled the boy into his arms to prevent a fall, something that might not have managed by himself. But as soon as it had happened, and the angel felt the boy in his arms relax, Castiel knew it was right. He was a friend, he was Dean's friend.

And as such he was going to keep him safe as long as he lived, as well as after that.

In the distance, there was the sound of flapping wings as the archangel Gabriel contently returned to heaven.


End file.
